Take me out to the ballgame

They left me chained up for a couple more hours and then the 4 suits and lady suits came back with two other people.  Because it wasn’t crowded enough in the tiny interrogation room.  These two really were detectives and I shit you not they looked almost exactly like the two detectives from the thirdContinue reading “Take me out to the ballgame”

The old bad cop walrus cop routine

The police station they took me too was very nice.  They left me chained to a table for longer than I think they’re supposed to.  Where’s the ACLU when you need them?  I’m sure that I could have used my strength spell to break the shackles.  I didn’t because I figured that I couldn’t beContinue reading “The old bad cop walrus cop routine”

Coitus interruptus sounds like some Harry Potter bullshit

So does Ex Fiancé I assume that the old gun is the focus for the redneck magic.  We took all the paraphernalia we could carry just in case.  We burned everything burnable and tossed the gun in the river.  I was feeling pretty good about the night’s work until we got back to the motelContinue reading “Coitus interruptus sounds like some Harry Potter bullshit”

It’s not fair that when I survive a murder attempt I end up with a bill

I need to learn a spell that persuades people or gives me an aura of authority.  I am terrible at talking my way out of things.  After the troopers some county sheriff people showed up.  And then some city cops too.  Why are there so many different kinds of cops?  I suppose because there’s soContinue reading “It’s not fair that when I survive a murder attempt I end up with a bill”

I should probably learn who Tennessee Williams is

Under the cover of smoke I made my escape.  I must have been quite a sight as limped up to the rest stop bleeding from the face and legs.  The rest stop had a bunch of metal art with “inspirational” quotes.  The one I saw as I came up said “Death is one moment, and life isContinue reading “I should probably learn who Tennessee Williams is”

But what did you do?!

My last post generated a lot of questions.  I forget that some people really read this.  I’m not a professional writer.  Give me a break.    What did I do?  That’s the main question people asked.  In wrestling there’s a tradition of ribbing.  As in joking.  Traditional wrestling ribs include things like putting sugar in someone’sContinue reading “But what did you do?!”

The amazingly incarcerated Grace

This is the longest I’ve ever gone without posting.  After that time Bloody Mary bashed my skull in was only 17 days I think. On the way to Chicago, I worked a boatshow in Jonesboro.  Not a good sidetrack.  I didn’t even get paid.  Normally that would be the worst thing that happened to me, but thenContinue reading “The amazingly incarcerated Grace”

Law and Order of the Phoenix : Criminal Victim Trial

Detective boob shirt showed up at Kim’s apartment well before six o’clock.  I don’t know exactly when.  I think I heard some pounding on the door when I was still kind of asleep.  What woke me up is when I heard her out in the hallway threatening to shove her gun up someone’s ass andContinue reading “Law and Order of the Phoenix : Criminal Victim Trial”

Law & Order of the Phoenix

I watch a lot of cop shows.  I’m sure very little about them is anything like real life.  For example, I bet in real life lady cops don’t look like pretty actresses.  I’m sure there are some exceptions, but overall I doubt there are a lot of chesty blondes with perfect skin and juicy asses servingContinue reading “Law & Order of the Phoenix”

Total Drama Island

This is going to seem like one of those melodramatic cries for help designed to elicit sympathy or scream for attention but it’s not.  I’m many things but an emotional vampire isn’t one of them.  I don’t really know what it feels like to be happy.  I don’t think I’m depressed or traumatized, I justContinue reading “Total Drama Island”