Differentiation between the figure of the pimp and the social reality are relevant

After the show I worked last night, I watched part of the Dark Side of the Ring about the Fabulous Moolah.  She was into turning out the girls she was supposed to be training.  This finally gave me an idea for some merch.  A shirt that looks like the famous Andre and Hogan poster from WrestleMania 3 with their faces replaced with Moolah and the Godfather.  Is it in poor taste?  Of course.  But that’s what wrestling is.  I don’t know why people get so uptight about that sort of thing.

I’ve watched a couple Dark Side of the Ring episodes and overall I like it.  My one complaint is that I think they exaggerate how big the person they’re talking about was.  In the Moolah one they talked about Wendi Richter being as popular as Hulk Hogan. They also said that women’s wrestling was about to become big shit until Moolah ruined it.  I doubt both of those things. 

Seems like they claim everyone they talk about was as big as Hogan or Flair.  I guess they have to do that to make you care about what they’re talking about.  The one I like the best is about David Schultz slapping a TV reporter.  I sometimes tell people I’m the illegitimate daughter of Greg “the Hammer” Valentine but maybe I should switch to Dave Schultz.

This is what I mean when I say that wrestling is strangely uptight.  Instead of being fired, Dave Schultz should have become their #1 heel.  Wrestling people would have loved it.  Instead, his career was over.  It makes no sense.  The reporter dude still sued the WWF anyway, what good did it do to fire him? 

I wonder if there are still any news people anyone cares enough about that I could get attention by smacking them.  Probably not. 

Slaughterhouse 30

When I pulled up to the venue yesterday, I thought there had to be a mistake.  It looked like the kind of place you’d see in a horror movie where a serial killer would wash his mannequins.  I called the booker though and it was the right place.  I think he fucked up and booked the wrong building and just wouldn’t admit it.

It looked like an old factory to me but it turned out to be a slaughterhouse.  Correction, an abandoned slaughterhouse.  There was for sure a serial killer in there somewhere.  There were maybe sixty folding chairs set up in animal pens.  The stench was putrid.  If you guessed 0 for the guess-the-attendance game, you win.  Several other people booked on the show asked the man if we should even bother to go out there.  He insisted that if we wanted to get paid we had to work.  So I had a three minute match with someone whose name I don’t remember in front of literally no one and got paid thirty bucks.   

Turns out I was wrong about All Elite Pro Wrestling.  They want me to come back and do an angle with the guy that was reffing that match with the Irish boxing woman.  I guess they got a lot of fans asking about that fucked up match that wasn’t really a match. Maybe I’ll be part of a minor piece of wrestling lore – ‘did you see that match where the two chicks were fighting for real and then the referee choked one of them?’  They’re being smart and trying to make a little money off it.

My only concern is that it’s a set-up and the guy is going to try and hurt me.  As I understand it, Irish Terry is maybe is girlfriend.  I get the sense that it’s a situation where they’re not really together except in the referee guy’s mind.  No one I’ve talked to could tell me what the fuck she was doing.  Why was she trying to punch my lights out?

The promoter thought I was playing hardball and offered me 300 dollars.  I said I wanted half paid in advance and he agreed.  Just that 150 is more than I’ve ever gotten paid to wrestle.  So in a couple weeks I’m going to be working a wrestler called Gage XXX.  That has to be one of the all-time worst names I’ve heard.  But he’s going to be portraying Benny the referee.  Get your tickets now!

Natasha called me and so, assuming I don’t get killed in that match, shortly thereafter I’m going to be racking up an 0-2 MMA record when I fight a Russian judoka for 1500 dollars.  Assuming I don’t get killed in that real fight, things are looking up for me.

Bloody Mary’s revenge

My wrist has been aching since the “Irish” Terry affair.  I don’t know if I jammed it when I threw that punch or in the scuffle with the referee.  My healing spell hasn’t worked very well.  It feels better for a couple minutes but then the pain comes back.  That’s never happened before.  I’ve been hurt much worse and the spell fixed it.

Looking back, my magic has been unreliable lately.  I’m thinking about the Bloody Mary incident.  What if my spell didn’t fail?  What if someone else quashed it?  Royale could do that.  He did it often when he was training me.  If I was about to release a spell that was wrong and going to do something unpredictable or dangerous he would snuff it out.

Maybe that’s what someone did to me at that show.  I think Royale was a very powerful magician.  Maybe cancelling out someone else’s spell is really hard.  But maybe it isn’t.  I just don’t know.  I went deep down an internet hole looking at everyone I could remember who was on that show.  I don’t know what I was searching for.  It’s not like they would have an Instagram story of them doing magic. 

Could Bloody Mary herself be magic?  It could have just as easily been someone in the crowd.  Not that there were many people there.  After a while I thought ‘forget the who, what about the why?’  Why would someone want to stop my spell? 

I have what is for me a pretty good stack of cash from the MMA fight.  I think I want to go back to that venue and investigate.  But I need more money.  I don’t want to get trapped again.  I called Natasha and asked if her boyfriend could get me another fight.  She was surprised to hear from me. Probably because she stole half my money and set me up to get my ass kicked.  I told her no hard feelings.  I wanted the full payment this time.  She said she would look into it for fifteen percent.  I agreed.

If she finds me something, this time I’m going to be smart about it.

You’ll know when I knee you in the face

Last night I worked a match with “Irish” Terry McGinn.  I wasn’t sure until I got there if this was an intergender match.  It was not, this Terry is a woman.  I get flack sometimes for not having a boxing gimmick but she actually did.  Doesn’t seem like a good gimmick to me.  If you’re a boxer why aren’t you boxing?  A man Terry is really named Terrance.  But a woman Terry is actually named Terry?  That’s strange.  Same thing with Billie?

The match went fine for the first two seconds.  Then she started throwing real punches.  There are many reasons why she might do that.  Most likely is that she sucks and doesn’t know how to throw a working punch.  Or maybe she was shooting on me for some reason.  Or maybe she thought I was a boxer and that would make it okay.  Or maybe someone put her up to it.  Or maybe she’s a fucking moron who thinks wrestling is real.  Her motivations remain a mystery.

In his book Mick Foley says that the reason Terry Funk, a man Terry, has such good looking punches is because he just punches you for real.  That can’t be true.  That’s too much punching.  You can’t bare knuckle punch people in the face all the time without fucking them up.  Then again this was a man who was doing backflips off ladders when he was in his 60s so who knows.

I got hold of her around the head in a front facelock of sorts and asked her what the fuck she was doing.  She said nothing and started throwing punches again.  I don’t like getting punched for real.  I have a thing about that.  I gave her a shot to the liver that would have made “Irish” Mickey Ward proud.  Her legs went out instantly and she crumbled against me.  I shoved her off of me with my knee, it wasn’t a knee strike, I was just pushing her off with me knee.  I did not knee her in the face.

Next thing I know the referee is grabbing me.  I thought he was just trying to move me back but then he had his arm around my neck.  I know when someone is squeezing me for real.  I grabbed his dick and squeezed back.  He squeezed harder and so did I.  We ended up falling out of the ring through the ropes awkwardly.  I may have kicked him pretty hard as we tumbled.  I for sure hit the back of my head on the floor really hard.

Next thing I remember I’m backstage and there’s a lot of people around yelling and shoving.  A tatted up dude that looked like Fenix only white and not wearing a mask, if that makes sense, was ready to fight people on my behalf.  I don’t remember ever seeing this guy before in my life.  Later he said we worked a show together.  I don’t recall that at all.  He said it in a weird way like we were in on something together.

I don’t think I’ll be working for All Elite Pro Wrestling again.  And no, I don’t mean AEW, there’s a PRO in there. 

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Sometimes I see guys that have military gimmicks.  Some of those guys did actually serve.  Some of them did not.  Flip Gordon has backed off of it but when he first turned up on ROH he had a low level “I served my country” gimmick.  He was in the guard for six years.

Playing the patriotism card isn’t as popular as it once was but it’s still a wrestling mainstay.  That’s fine, but I wonder how I should feel about someone doing an actual soldier gimmick.  If you never actually served, it seems distasteful at best.  Even if you did, it seems borderline weird.  “I love this country so much I quit the military and became a wrestler?”  Does that add up? 

I’ve never seen a woman try that gimmick.  I think they mentioned Lacey Evans was a Marine when she first came around NXT but that was never her thing.  I suppose trying to pull that off could upset people who don’t want women in the military.  Too risky. 

I don’t think they do it anymore but in the old days they used to have flag matches.  The evil foreigner would lose to whatever babyface was representing America.  One of my goals in the wrestling world is to face a flag match where I represent the US against a popular wrestler from another country.  What will the crowd do?  Cheer me because America or still boo because they hate me?  These are the kinds of goals that will prevent me from ever making it to the top.  Not the top, the middle. 

I’ve also thought it would be interesting to organize a tour where you go to other countries and all the bad guys are ra-ra go USA types.  I don’t think anyone would agree to do it though.  With the internet these days it would get back to everyone here and then the guys that did it would be in trouble.  It’s odd that now everyone knows wrestling is fake and yet the fans get more angry about things done in character, not less.  I was about to say that people don’t get mad at an actor for what they do in a movie but some people do.

Explain that.

Have you been injured in an accident? You have rights!

A guy contacted me because his girlfriend works for a personal injury lawyer.  He was saying that I could sue for having my uterus removed without my consent. I don’t really miss my uterus but if I can get a chunk of change for it why not?  I didn’t expect much to come of it because I don’t remember much in the way of details.  I was shocked at the amount of information the lawyer was able to dig up.

A few days later he called me back with information about a Jane Doe matching my description being admitted to Marshfield Medical Center in Marshfield, Wisconsin with a through and through stab wound just above the hip.  I thought medical records were supposed to be private but he had a lot of details.  Now I know my blood type at the very least.

A doctor named Gusttavo Bierzo is suspected of the forced sterilization of several patients but he’s already in prison for fraud and drug charges.  The lawyer wanted to sue anyway saying that Mrs. Bierzoe had assets we could go after.  I declined.  He got really mad about that.  He said he was going to send me a bill for the research he had done.  Good luck.  One of the benefits of having no fixed address.

I know when I got stabbed I was on my own, that wasn’t when I was with a foster family at the time.  I don’t remember ever living in Wisconsin but a lot of my childhood memories are muddled.  That probably seems crazy to you but there were times when I was on the street that I wasn’t sure what city I was even in.

I remember being more scared of the hospital than I was bleeding in the street.  It seemed like a hundred doctors and nurses were all crowding around me and grabbing at me.  The light was blinding.  Like an interrogation room in an old movie.  I should have strung the lawyer along, pretend to think about it and ask if he would send me some of those documents.  How long was I in the hospital?  Getting stabbed through the gut seems like something that would take a long time to get over.

My healing hands spell is great for the bumps and bruises I pick up.  Not for concussions, we know that now.  I wonder how serious of an injury it can work on.  If I got stabbed again today could I just magic the wound away?  The problem is probably that if you’re really badly hurt you can’t concentrate enough to do the spell.

I guess I’m going to have to get rich the old fashioned way.  By working wrestling shows for forty bucks a night.

Which is worse – serial killers or book snobs?

After my last post I got curious because I remember Royale saying something about a movie actress that helped him do magic.  I looked through some of the documents in his trunk and found out who he was talking about.  Bessie Love. 

From Wikipedia – Bessie Love (born Juanita Horton) was an American-British actress who achieved prominence playing innocent young girls and wholesome leading ladies in silent and early sound films.  Her acting career spanned eight decades—from silent film to sound film, including theatre, radio, and television. 

According to Royale she also faced down some kind of things they called the Sharp Dressed Men. They seduced and murdered a series of young women in the 20s.  It’s not clear from the notes if they were serial killing mages or something else.  Vampires?  Demons?  Shadowmen?  Reptilians?  When I found out about magic, one of my first thoughts was; what else is real?  There’s not a lot of information about what the Sharp Dressed Men were.

Most of the stuff is letters between Royale and Bessie, reading through them was better than any novel.  It would make a good novel.  They were friends, lovers, and magic crime fighters.  What more could you want in a story?  Maybe it would be a better comic book.  Since this trunk magically appeared by my car do I own the rights?  Probably not.  There’s always something that screws you.

I made one of my rare forays into social interaction at my last show.  I saw a dude wearing a shirt for ICWPPW Full Vengeance 2013 with “wristlock” tattooed on his wrist.  Is that funny?  He was sitting in a folding chair reading Every Note Played.  I had listened to that book and really liked it so we got to talking about it.  At first everything was fine but then he realized that I had listened to the audio book instead of reading it and he walked away in a huff because I hadn’t “really” read it.

Maybe I’ll try talking to someone again next year.

Main event – Jolly Jane VS. Merlin

Some commenters have complained that I haven’t been talking about magic much lately.  That’s fair, no one is reading this because they need a behind the scenes look at wrestling.  There’s millions of sites for that.  There’s not much to say.  I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can on my own but that’s like trying to learn brain surgery on your own.  There are probably people that can do it.  I’m not one of them.  What is need is a new mentor but where do you find a real magician? 

Several people have asked if they could learn magic.  Short answer I don’t know.  Another short answer maybe.  I’ll equate it to brain surgery again.  Can anyone learn to be a brain surgeon?  Literally yes, but really no.  I don’t think you need to have some special magic inside you to do magic.  But it’s hard.  It just is.  Royale told me it’s getting harder all the time.  That there’s less and less magic in the world to gather up to make a spell. 

That’s a magic thing I can talk about.  Royale would talk about Merlin from time to time.  As if he was a real person that Royale knew.  He was pissed that Merlin has become known as a great magician because according to Royale, he sucked at magic.  Not even in the top five hundred wizards Royale would say.  But someone wrote a story about him so he’s famous.  Royale was really salty about that.

Some people asked about Alistair Crowley.   I don’t know anything about him.  Sorry.  Some people asked about Dr. Strange which I don’t understand.  Did they mean the movie?  Are they asking me if Benedict Cumberbatch is a real mage?  It would stand to reason there’s some famous people who can do magic.  Law of averages.

No I was not chosen like Buffy.  No I am not a witch.  Am I psychic?  I don’t think so.  I don’t really know what the difference people think is between psychic phenomena and magic.  I think the idea is that psychic stuff happens purely from your mind.  That’s not what I do.  I draw magic energy from all around, mostly from living things.  I don’t think psychics are legit. 

Yes, you can get magic from blood sacrifice but I don’t do that.  Because you can kill tons of plants and not get much magic.  Because that would be fucked up if you killed animals for magic.  And murder if you do it to people.  Being magic doesn’t mean you’re okay with murder.  Maybe I should get a job in a slaughterhouse.

That’s another story I can share.  In the 20s, Royale stopped a woman who was working as a nurse who would kill her patients to harvest their magic energy.  He told me about it when he was explaining that you never use magic to hurt anyone, except sometimes in self-defense.  He was uncharacteristically unclear about that.  Jolly Jane he called her.  I looked it up and it said she was caught in 1901, but I believe Royale more than Wikipedia. 

Magic is real.  Given that, what can you really believe about history as written?

The first rule of outlaw fight club is tweet about outlaw fight club daily

I’ve worked for a lot of companies with dumb names.  There are only so many different combinations of Championship and Wrestling you can put together.  I’ve never worked for OMEGA but I like that name.  The worst I think I’ve worked for was named Champions Championship Wrestling.  Last night I worked for Outlaw Fight Club which is a pretty bad name.  Until I got there I thought it might be some fucking kids shining me on.

Outlaw Fight Club may be one of the worst names out there, but the show was good.  The venue was a club which is usually a bad sign but there were probably a thousand people there and they were really into it.  Most of the shows I work don’t break a hundred.  These were good fans too.  They booed the bad guys and they cheered the faces.  They acted like they wanted to be at a wrestling show.  They weren’t trying to draw attention to themselves.

I wrestled a woman called Queen Quong, which I guess is supposed to be a female King Kong?  She was dreadful.  I’ve heard that a great wrestler can make anyone look good.  I am far from a great wrestler.  But even with that, the crowd was supportive more than cruel.  Any other show I’ve been on, after two minutes of that crap there would have been chants of “show your tits”, “boring”, and or “you can’t wrestle”.  I hear in the old days you could punch a fan or two and get away with it.  I wish I could do that.  I really wish I could.  Really.

After the show I got online and saw that OFC has a ton of content out there and it looks okay.  By indie wrestling standards it’s fucking great.  I saw some information about the promoter being a community college student studying video production.  He must have access to decent equipment.  His videos looked better than WCW television programming in the early 90s.  

The pay was nothing to get excited about, but it was cool to work for a place that seemed to have its shit together a little bit.  I hope I get to work for them again.  And I hope they make it.  I don’t really know what it means to make it.  They’re not going to grow into a national thing.  They’re not going to get their own streaming channel.  But maybe they can become Pro Wrestling Guerilla – a company that sticks around and makes some money.

I wonder if Amway would sponsor a wrestler

I’ve been thinking lately about incorporating a fireball into my act.  I don’t know if anyone does this anymore since Hulk Hogan fucked up the whole thing in WCW.  I see a table set on fire and someone thrown on the table sometimes, but I’ve never see anyone throw a fireball.  I believe this is normally accomplished with flash paper but I think I could work out a spell that makes fire that doesn’t actually burn. 

I don’t know if he invented throwing fireballs but the Sheik is the guy who popularized it.  His gimmick wasn’t so much foreign heel like you might expect.  It was more that he didn’t care about winning or losing he just wanted to maim people.  Hence the fireball.  When there used to be wrestling magazines they’d have articles about how the Sheik needed to be arrested for setting people on fire.  I think a gimmick like that could work for me.

Another idea I’ve been thinking about is multi-tiered marketing.  Not doing it, but as a gimmick.  I get a Herbalife shirt or something like that and I come out and start talking about how great Herbalife is like that’s the only reason I’m there.  Then my opponent comes out and wails on me.  I think it would work, people hate that shit.  But it might work too well.

I realize that since my bedroom is a sleeping bag in the back of a car this is probably getting ahead of myself.  I should just be happy with anything that gets me booked, but with a thing like that you can get boxed in.  Consider the Manscout Jake Manning.  His gimmick is that he’s a boy scout, but he’s a full grown man.  It’s good, but it’s also limiting.  He can’t stop doing it.  People book him because he’s the Manscout, if he shows up as “Jagged” Jake Manning the hardcore death match wrestler, the booker is going to be pissed.  That would be like booking Dave Chappelle and instead of comedy he wants to rap.

In WWE they repackage people all the time.  That’s because they can shove it down your throat and you just have to take it.  I think it’s much harder to pull that off down here in the real world.  If you get a following as Jimmy the Dancing Clown and then you give that up, you’re back to square one.  So I’m wary of becoming the Pampered Chef Lady.

Remember when WWE repackaged Liv Morgan?  Before she was a sexy blonde with no other characteristics.  Her new character was sexy blonde.  Remember when they repackaged Emma? Before she was a sexy blonde with no other characteristics.  Her new character was sexy blonde.  Right now they’re repackaging someone as a sexy blonde, the rumor is it’s Carmella.  Her previous gimmick was sexy blonde.  But she would dance sometimes.  And she got over by hanging out with a rapist.  So that part is different.