OOC – Writery writer writering

I’ve started re-writing and posting this blog on Wattpad.  I’m enjoying it.  Mostly I’m just updating stuff from the early days to make it more “Grace-ian” but I’m coming up to some parts that I am going to change fundamentally.

The blockchain is forking!

Usually when I write an anticlimax it’s intentional because I find that “realistic”.  Most things don’t have clean resolutions.  Also I’m lazy and climaxes are hard (phrasing).  But at least once I wrote myself into a corner and bailed out because my brain says that I must post ON SCHEDULE.  I’m going to change that anti-climax on Wattpad.

Sometimes I think “this blog is too much magic and not enough wrestling” which is probably silly because if anyone is interesting in anything it’s probably the magic stuff and not the wrestling.  Going back and re-writing I’ve been thinking “this is too much wrestling and not enough magic”.  Humorous. 

I found a very vague outline that I didn’t remember I wrote.  Not a story outline, more of a “tone” outline.  Or something.  In it I say that I should start talking about wrestling mostly and transition to magic as Grace learns more about it.  Mission unintentionally accomplished? 

I had 100% forgotten this part, I wrote that the blog should feel like Grace is getting into the drug trade.  She’s doesn’t really know how to do, it’s dangerous, and almost everything she does ends in disaster.  I wrote that magic should be like a black market, even when you start to learn about it you don’t ever really know what’s going on because it’s all underground and secret.  Missions maybe unintentionally accomplished somewhat? 

I do sort of remember writing the next part,  that I was taking inspiration from when the Walking Dead comic book dude said that the “theme” of the book was Rick suffering horribly and they Rick would never die because then he couldn’t suffer anymore. 

I’d say I’ve averted this mostly and I’m glad.  Plenty of bad stuff happens to Grace but I like to think that I’ve made it less of a Walking Dead style “everything is shitty fest” and injected some light.  I don’t know if I’ve done any kind of job charactering it (is that a word?) but I think of Grace now as one of those people who takes their lumps and soldiers on.  One of my favorite “tropes” is the implacable “man” – the person who may not be all that great but they have a chance because they won’t give up.  If I were to think about that now, I’d write that for the Grace tone plan.

It’s a little silly, but what I would think of as inspiration for Grace is Mandrake from Dr. Strangelove, specifically the scene where he’s talking about being tortured where he says, in a sense “Yes well I had a rough go of it there for a while” and that’s it.  I got tortured, I didn’t like it, enough said. No need to dwell on things.

Also Godzilla.  Grace is just like Godzilla.

Magical Minority Person

How racist is it of me that I’m less surprised by someone with a Chinese background believing in magic?  Some.   

Andrea’s sister.  Waldrum and Berner.  Now Henry Fong.  I wonder how many cops are out there who either know, or could be easily convinced based on what they’re seen, about magic and don’t talk about it?  Probably a lot.  First responders are the ones who are going to run into this shit more than anyone else. 

Henry Fong is super-fast talker so I had a little bit of hard time following what he was saying .  The gist of it is that his girlfriend’s cousin’s hairdresser’s boyfriend’s niece asked him to check up on a friend of hers because he’s a cop and people ask him to do stuff like check up on people.  She went on a trip to Hong Kong.  While she was there the Hong Kong police called her parents and said that she had been killed in a car accident.   

Three days later she shows up at the airport and is calling her parents wonders why no one is there to pick her up.  No big deal, horrible, but the Hong Kong police made some kind of mistake.  Only problem is that the girlfriend’s cousin’s hairdresser’s boyfriend’s niece’s friend isn’t acting right since she came back from her trip.   

She sits and stares at nothing most of the time.  One day they find her eating raw meat out of a bowl.  Another time she tries to drink bleach.  Not in a “I’m trying to kill myself way” just sat down to breakfast and poured herself a glass of bleach.  She’s crazy nearsighted without contacts or glasses but now she won’t wear them.   

It kind of sounded like what was going on with Red Rose’s sister.  Some kind of magic mind fuckery.   

Long story short, the owners of the Triple 8’s told Henry the story of how I appeared out of thin air one day and knocked over their server and he kept that information in his back pocket in case I ever showed up again.   He said that he needed my magical consultation on the girlfriend’s cousin’s hairdresser’s boyfriend’s niece’s friend

After he told me all this I asked him why he believed what they told him about me, why he believed in magic but he wouldn’t say.  Fucking typical. 

Here I go again with the religious stuff

Last night I wrestled Tarana Rum Punch in Republic Missouri.  Since I was in the area I stopped in Springfield to see how Linda is doing.  She said that her experience, being kidnapped and almost dying and finding out that magic is real, helped her to be born again in the Christian faith.  Genuinely religious people make me nervous.  Then I feel like a jerk because there’s nothing wrong with believing in god.  Other than that religious people try to kill me sometimes. 

Linda moved into a trailer a community of her type of religious people.  She didn’t talk about magic when I visited, which is good because of the Bible’s stance on witches.  She did talk a about how devils walk amongst us.  That’s why she and her friends moved into this special community, so they could be sure there were no devils around. 

To be clear she wasn’t speaking metaphorically.  She and her people believe that there are literal devils that take human form and go around doing bad shit like pissing in coffee pot at work and giving people tickets when there’s still time on the parking meter and stealing the change our of their cars and setting up dates with women only to not show up and committing mass murder. 

These devils come to earth from hell to make the world bad so people will turn away from god.  Given what she went through I can’t necessarily say that this is a bad way to go.  Assuming the leaders of this cult aren’t stealing her money or sticking it on her on the reg I’m not sure what else you could do to deal with what she went through.   

The vibe was scary though.  It would not surprise me if one those trailers is full of guns and bombs for the final battle with the earthly demons.   

After I left Linda and the Jesus compound, I stopped by Triple 8s restaurant.  Is that name a play on Triple H?  I don’t think so, but what else would it be?  I wondered if they would remember me as the sizzling pork girl.    

No one said anything to indicate they remembered me at all but while I was eating my BBQ Pork Lo Mein an older couple and a young kid translating for them came over to my table and said that someone wanted to talk to me.  They passed me a little piece of paper with a number on it and a crisp $100 dollar bill.  They said the money was mine to keep if I called or not. 

I called and talked to Henry Fong.  Not the DJ, this guy is a police detective.

Another doubleteam, I could see Dennis Rodman being in this one too

Backstage last night Neptune Morris and Dr. Perces huddled together were watching nun porn on an iPad.  It reminded me of the time I was riding the bus and the guy in front of me was watching porn on this phone.  If you’re not jerking off what’s the point?  Are they looking for new uncomfortable moves to try on unsuspecting women who are nice enough to have sex with them? 

There’s so much porn out there.  Where do all these porn women come from?  I’ve met one porn woman and I think that’s a high number.  Based on the sheer porn volume it seems like I should run into porn women constantly.   

I listened to a podcast about porn and it said that most women who do it appear in three videos and then quit.  So there’s not that many of them out there that are really into it and make a career out of it.  Based on that maybe I have met more than one and I just don’t know it. Porn hobbiests who don’t mention it rather than porn stars.

Porn is a little like wrestling when you think about it.  The people that stick with it and do it for a living are rare.  Let’s say I average a hundred and fifty shows a year.  Some really sad shows only have a dozen people booked on the card but that’s not common.  Let’s say 20 plus is more common.  Some of those are the same people I’ve met at other shows so let’s cut that down.  Say I meet 1000 new wrestlers a year.   

A thousand people a year seems like a lot to me at first but compared to the hundreds of millions in the country it’s nothing.  Out of that thousand probably 85% are part-timers and washed-up old vets and dreamers from the promoter’s school who may never have another match.  Those of us who can, and do, make a career out of it are few.   

That’s why unless you seek them out on purpose you’re unlikely to meet a wrestler.  Or a porn star.  I wonder which one gets paid better, adjusted for injuries and mental annihilation.   

Do you even lift?

Once I got home Martynova Sushchenko and I sat on the porch drinking vodka with cranberry and lime.  She was smoking and I realized for the first time what a strange thing to do that is for a personal trainer/athlete.  When I asked her about that she said that it was a good thing we met so I could use my magic to heal her if she ever gets lung cancer.   

Once thing I appreciate about Martynova Sushchenko is her capacity for companionable silence.  She’s not interested in a lot of chit-chat.  Which I like.  After a while she did say something.  She that she had seen my video.  I assumed that she meant one of my matches.  She did not.  Instead she showed me a video from a gym in Louisville. 

A few months ago I was curious to see how much I could lift with 42561’s strength spell.  The plates at the gym were a total of 300 pounds so that’s what I was lifting.  With the spell going it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t hard either.  Without magic I lift 100.  I didn’t realize anyone was paying attention to me.  I certainly didn’t realize that anyone was recording me.  Is that legal?  It’s definitely against N-Vious Body rules.  They had a sign up.

The title of the video was “check out this bitch”.  Nice. 

With a sip and a puff Martynova Sushchenko had another thing to say.  That I need to be more careful.  I told her that was probably true but that everyone in the comments said it was fake anyway.  And even if they didn’t think it was fake no one’s next leap of logic would be “magic.” 

She gave me the mysterious Russian eyes and said that was only the people that left a comment that think it’s fake, that it’s the one that didn’t say anything I need to worry about.   

The comeback

I don’t like noclipping.  I haven’t figured out how to control where I show up come back to the real world.  I don’t even know if it’s possible to control that.  What if I come back and I’m in Peru?  Or in the middle of the ocean?   

I need learn more about this spell but how?  There’s nothing in Royale’s notes remotely like it and the few people I know that I can ask have never heard of it either.   

The cock and bull story Waldrum and Berner fed to the Fredonia police was so full of holes I can’t believe they bought it.  Maybe they aren’t police, their cars said marshal on them but aren’t marshals federal?  Fredonia is tiny, how could they have their own police force?  Shouldn’t there be a county sheriff?  I’ll never understand law enforcement jurisdictions.   

I can’t imagine that much happens out here, maybe the Fredonia officers were so excited to get the publicity and fame from arresting two serial killers they didn’t care that they were talking to Texas cops were way outside of their jurisdiction with eight dead women and a pack of lies.  Maybe this is the thin blue line I’ve heard about.   

I wonder how much the authorities look into things like this.  If two guys show up with a bunch of dead bodies and confess to murdering them and then don’t say anything else do the powers that be just leave it without digging in?  Waldrum and Berner told me not to worry about it.  They said the case would “make”. 

One of the Fredonians told us there was an airport just across the border in Utah.  Technically true, but it’s not a fucking commercial airport, it’s just a bunch of planes.  Small planes that people own.  A guy there did agreed to fly us to Phoenix. 

Once we hit the ground Waldrum and Berner started looking into booking flights Dallas.  I told them renting a car only 40 bucks.  They said it was a 16-hour drive like that was a big deal.   

Berner said to me “are you saying that you can’t afford a 300-dollar flight?”  I told him “I’m saying I’m wearing a shirt that I found in a river.  That’s where I’m at financially.” 

Anti-climax 3 – The Climaxening

The Redacted City Power Suit Gang isn’t happy.  Even though I brought them back baseball boy without any violence or publicity, which is what they wanted.  I should have lied about bringing in more help.  I assured them that a mechanic in Iowa, a drunk old pawnbroker in Louisiana, and another wrestler on the road aren’t going to blow the lid on their real estate scam by talking about Draculas and Scooby-Doo monsters.   

They didn’t buy it but they didn’t do anything about it but threaten me.  I should have pretended that I more afraid of them so they could have felt like they got what they wanted and will leave me alone in the future.  Even though it’s my job I’m not good at play acting in real life.  They have it out for me now. 

After that operation Waldrum and Berner helped me with Kaisey too.  Which was nice of them.  They had campus security grab her saying she was wanted for questioning and took her to the station.  Where I was waiting to ambush her and snatch the death magic charm necklace.  I like having the law on my side for a change.  No wonder police corruption is so popular.

Between that and taking the book I hope she’s powerless now.  I probably should have beat her ass until she told me the origin of the book so I could be sure but I don’t know if she would have talked.  She has the dead eyes.  She may be able to stand a beating that I’m willing to deal out. 

After that operation Berner and Waldrum and I roped ourselves together like mountain climbers and I noclipped us into wallpaper land.  I cannot explain to anyone who hasn’t been there how fucking creepy it is.  It shouldn’t be scary.  It’s just a bunch of rooms and hallways with ugly wallpaper.  But it is.  You’d go mad in there after enough time. 

It took us more than hours to find the frat boy murder bros I had had stashed in there.  If the place is infinite we’re lucky we found them at all.  Who the hell knows how that place works. Along the way we found the perfectly preserved bodies of 8 women that Christie Lane marooned there.  We should have brought a dolly to move them.  Carrying them was a bitch.   

The frat bros would have attacked us if Waldrum and Berner weren’t armed.  They almost did attack us anyway even with weapons in their faces.  They looked at the guns like they were thinking about charging.  They were out of their minds.   

Not so out of their minds that they couldn’t take the deal though.  Confess to the murders of these women or be left in the yellow zone forever.  I told them if they tried to change their minds I could send them back there any time I wanted.   

Once they agreed I noclipped us back.  In fucking Arizona. 

Swing and a miss.   

Magical gender neutral friendship squad

I’m going to blow your minds.  Magic is cool.  I never want to forget that.

Dany came down from Iowa City.  42561 came over after a show in Saint Louis.  I was surprised but that but even more surprising Milham came over from Lafyette.  When I asked why he came out of his hidey-hole he said he was just trying to get in my pants.  Normally I can shrug those kinds of comments off but it really bothered me this time.  I was busting his balls first so I had it coming. 

I thought the four of us working a spell together was going to be a mess because Dany’s magic is different from mine and 42561 directs all her spells inward but Milham was very skilled at guiding us through weaving it all together.  42561 has a gift for channeling energy and Dany made it easier to cast my fetch at distance with her witchiness. It was like everyone has a special skill that worked together.  We were a magic dream team.

Everything went so well it made me paranoid.  Things never work out. 

The plan was that I would use my fetch to scout the place out, see if the cult people were armed, make sure All-Star Boy was there, get the layout of the place, etc.  But the first room my fetch went in I saw him.  He was sitting there playing a video game.  Change of plans, I had the fetch grab him and drag him out of the house.   

A cowboy looking guy with Colt Python came out and blasted the fetch a couple times.  Not a word said, just blazed away.  Did he know it wasn’t a real person or was he just that blasé about murder?  A woman came out to gawk at what was happening but that was it.  No other resistance.  Once I had the kid outside Waldrum and Berner swooped in and took him into custody.  Colt Python and a couple other people watched them taking him into custody out the windows but they didn’t do anything.   

That was it.  I think that was my third rescue kidnap.  They haven’t all been that easy but they’ve all been easier than I want kidnapping to be.  Maybe it’s like ripping off a drug dealer, it’s easier because they’re doing something illegal in the first place.   

Sitting at Denny’s having our victory dinner 42561 told me to delete her number.  I told her she’s the one that answered the phone and said yes, I didn’t make her do anything.  She told me she can’t help herself, that I needed to help her by not asking her to help me.  A couple tears came down her face. 

How am I supposed to feel about that? 

Milham also went on about how I had inspired him to get off his ass and “back in the game”.  Maybe that’s the catch, people get emotional after group magic.  Then he made fun of me for drinking Diet Mountain Dew and Maker’s Mark.   

Milham asked if there were any other problems he could solve for me while he had his head out of the foxhole.  On a whim I mentioned the McQueen family river monster vigil.

He thought about it for a while and then he said he knew someone that might be able to help.

The one where I solve a bunch of crimes

On shows buddy cops up are more than just brothers.  They’re closer to their partner than they are their wife or kids.  No one else understands what they’ve been through.  They’re non-sexual soulmates. They’ll do anything for each other. 

When I was having lunch with Waldrum and Berner they looked at each other at one point and agreed they had never had a meal together before.  Another failure for scripted dramas.   

I asked them what weird thing they saw and reported to get put on the monster squad.  They wouldn’t say.  They’ve been ordered not to talk about it.  They probably don’t want to talk about it either.  It’s hard to get people to talk about normal shit.  Let alone whatever they saw. 

I asked them if there were any cases I could help them with while we waited.  They were joking but they asked me if I could find a repo man wanted on weapons charges.  I popped in to Wal-Mart in and bought a Ouija board for 20 bucks.  I thought using that would make it what I was doing more palatable for them. 

I found the repo man (not the wrestler) at the Lucky Lady Motorcourt.  Do they make shitty hotels on purpose or are shitty motels just old and they were nice once?  Their sign is a sexy lady outline like on madflaps.  Maybe they built the Lucky Lady Motorcourt specifically to aid and abet hooking.  

Waldrum and Berner were happy to grab the guy up but they were pretty chill about me using magic finding a wanted criminal.  Whatever they saw must have been something to be so nonplussed by my astonishing acts of magic.

The next day I took them to a gun they were looking for.  It was in a storm drain.  They had to get some guys in yellow vests and hardhats there to get it out.  That was an ordeal.  The hard hat guys were mad about having to do it.  The gun wasn’t visible so they didn’t think anything was down there.  So they didn’t want to do it. 

They stared at me like I had two heads.  I’m used to being gawked at but this was something else.   At one point during the argument with Waldrum and Berner the foreman looked at me and asked what I was doing there.  Aggressive, like he knew me and hated my guts.  I don’t know what that was about.  What was his issue?  Not one of them apologized when they found the gun down there. 

The next day I took them to another murder weapon.  They couldn’t do anything about that one because they didn’t have a search warrant to go inside the house.  They said they had searched the place twice before.  I told them the knife was wrapped in a bloody towel and taped to a beam in the attic.   

I told them I could summon smoke in the house and then the fire department could come and find the knife but they didn’t like that idea.  I don’t know if their objection was legal or moral or something else.  We sat outside that house for an hour while they thought about it.

They took me to dinner that night and said they were going to start calling me “Anonymous Tip”.  I tried to make a joke about anonymous tip being something you do at an orgy but it didn’t land.  I’m not good at telling jokes.   

Over a plate of chicken wings I asked their advice on what I could do to take down a rich person who was butchering drifters for ritual magic.   They asked me “how rich?” and I told them “very”. 

They told me there was nothing you can do to get someone like that and went back to eating chicken wings.