Slow and steady wins the race (but is boring and I hate it)

Here’s some inside information for you – doing magic is actually really boring and fucking frustrating as hell.  Casting a spell generally requires you to chant the same sequences of words for several minutes, sometimes as much as half an hour.  That may not seem like a long time but try it sometime.  Choose aContinue reading “Slow and steady wins the race (but is boring and I hate it)”

Shove another ‘cast in your podhole

There’s exactly one zillion wrestling podcasts in the world.  I have a hard time believing that anyone listens to most of them but then again what else do wrestling fans have to do?  Not have sex am I right?  I did a double shot in Austin last weekend and some dude was sitting on aContinue reading “Shove another ‘cast in your podhole”

If you’re a werewolf experiencing male pattern baldness call today

I worked a show in Tyler last night and after my match I went to the promoter to get paid and he tried to tell me that he had already paid me.  I always try to get money up front but promoters rarely go for that because wrestlers are flaky even when they don’t intendContinue reading “If you’re a werewolf experiencing male pattern baldness call today”

When is a rat just a rat?

When I was hiding under the ring one time letting my fetch get dropped on its head (it’s not really a living thing it’s a crash test dummy so don’t feel bad) I saw a rat one time.  Nothing shocking about seeing a rat, a lot of the shows I work are held in realContinue reading “When is a rat just a rat?”

Getting dropped on your head for fun and profit

Here’s the thing.  Unless you happen to get booked on a show for a women’s promotion, and good fucking luck with that, most wrestling shows don’t have any women on the card.  If they do it’s usually one match for women, or maybe just an intergender match.  It’s rare that a show even has twoContinue reading “Getting dropped on your head for fun and profit”

It’s like the golden rule kinda

If you drive as much as I do, which you don’t, you start to realize that the road system doesn’t make much sense.  The paths a lot of roads take are illogical when you really examine it and when you drive a lot you can see that.  It’s easy to assume that when they buildContinue reading “It’s like the golden rule kinda”

Everything little thing I do is magic

Magic works by manipulating the energy of the universe.  Some people call it mana, which is dumb.  Some people call it quintessence which is also dumb.  Some call it chi, which I think is dumb too but I don’t say that it’s dumb because that’s racist maybe?  There’s a bunch of other words for thisContinue reading “Everything little thing I do is magic”

You know what you look like

I saw that someone posted a video of me having a “wardrobe malfunction” at a show in Fayetteville I worked a few weeks back.  My nipple was exposed for a nanosecond and if there’s one talent wrestling fans have (and there probably is only one) it’s detecting nipples and then isolating and expanding them toContinue reading “You know what you look like”

What does it really mean to “own” a car anyway?

I talked to a guy today about working a show in Topeka.  Everything was going fine until he asked me what my finish was.  I told him that I didn’t have a finish and he started lecturing me about how I needed a finish, he clearly thought I was a rube who knew nothing whenContinue reading “What does it really mean to “own” a car anyway?”