Part 11 – Sound of da police

Grace doesn’t know how many miles she’s driven since she started wrestling and occasionally saving the world.  Why would she?  But I do because I am the Narrator!  Well, I don’t know exactly because who would keep precise of track on something like that, only a crazy person.  But I know that it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of 380,000 miles.   

You drive that much and you’re going to get pulled over by the authorities a time or two.  That’s just how it works.  The ratio goes up though if you drive a crappy car, which Grace did for 97% of those 380,000 miles.  Because as we all know people that drive nice cars would never be up to anything nefarious.  The ratio also goes up if you’re a woman.  No one knows why.  Just kidding, we all know.   

In those interactions Grace has never had a problem.  Why would she?  She’s not doing nothing to nobody.  But all those previous encounters had something in common – at those times Grace was not driving a stolen car containing three loaded unlicensed handguns, a semiautomatic rifle, a ballistics vest, and several bags of marijuana.  Grace thought she was pretty clever to steal the bad guy’s car to get away but she didn’t consider that they might call the cops on her.   

When she sees the flashing lights Grace consider for a moment having Andrea take the wheel so she can throw a malfunction spell at the patrol car and keep going.  She ultimately decides that’s a terrible idea since Andrea would probably drive them into the side of the building and because running from the cops generally isn’t a great idea.  She pulls over, and by over, I mean into the parking lot of the Maple Street Biscuit Company. They roll to a stop where she and Andrea are ordered out of the car, drop the keys on the ground, hands on the roof, the whole kit and caboodle.   

The duo that pulls them over is one of those big dudes that looks super soft and probably is, and a hilariously mismatch smaller lady who looks like she’s in her mid-forties but instead is just out of the academy.  The police academy.  Not too intimidating looking but thankfully they’re joined shortly though by two coppy looking dudes – square heads, super frowny, look way tougher than they probably are.  The kind of cops that would be on the take in a movie like Copland but wouldn’t be super into it you know?  They’re just doing it to get along.   

Little Old Cop looks a little afraid of the newcomers, like she’s worried they’re going to turn around and arrest her, but Pop-N-Fresh looks glad that they’re there.  When Squarehead #1 asks “Margaret Edwards” if she knows she’s driving a stolen car refreshingly for him the answer is “yes”. 

Grace explains that her friend Andrea was having some problems with her boyfriend so she came over and . . . before she can explain-lie more Squarehead #2 cuts in with “We need to separate these two” looking at the very frightened and somewhat battered Andrea looking very much like she has no clue what’s happening. 

Grace interjects in the middle of that interjection by saying “Before we do anything else will you let Andrea call her daughter Cassie?  She was back at the apartment we want to make sure she’s okay.”

The initial answer is “she can call at the station” but when Andrea expresses her concern over Cassie’s safety they relent and hand her a phone to make the call.  That’s what puts it over the top more than anything – the fact that Andrea doesn’t have her phone on her.  Why would someone not have their phone unless they were running away from some crazy domestic shit that was going down? 

Andrea reports that there’s no answer.  For a moment Grace considers pretending that she has a tracker app on her phone they can use and then trying to surreptitiously cast her finding spell but decides that seems like a plan with like way too many moving parts to succeed – not to mention the fact that she’s running low on magical energy at the moment.  She’s been tossing around a lot of magic today.   

Instead she explains that there’s already a bunch of officers at Andrea’s apartment and asks if they can contact them to confirm if Cassie is there, and if she’s not there and Dale isn’t there either can they send someone to his apartment to see if her took her there?  The Squareheads agree to this with the clear expectation that the next thing that happens needs to be Grace and Andrea explaining what the fuck is going on because favor time is over.

After a few radio calls and call calls they confirm that Dale was taken from the scene in an ambulance on account of he shot himself in the foot and that Cassie is nowhere to be found.  At that point their plan is to trundle Grace and Andrea into separate cars and get them back to the stationhouse.  But that plan quickly changes when another stolen car, this one a 2015 Chevy Trax, jumps the curb and slams into one of the police cruisers.  Behind the wheel is none other than the man they call Huddie. 

Fucking Huddie. 

Published by sopantooth

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