Wrestlecrack review

This wasn’t a bad show.  It’s what it should be from unknown talent.  I’ve  watched worse shows with name talent on the card.  Their experience level is forgivable but creating characters with the imagination of kids playing WWF SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role is not.  It became worse and worse as the show went on.  Let’s get to that show! 

“The American Dream” Reptile vs “Boom-Boom” The Gunns 

Not one, but two stolen names!  Reptile keeps his mask on.  Mr. The Gunns definitely comes into this from an athletic background. That said, there’s a lot of headlocks.  Good elevation by Mr. The Gunns on his dropkick.  Reptile is a big dude.  Needs to work on his feet.  And everything else.  Mr. The Gunns gets Reptile in a sleeper hold and goes into to an awkward pin for the win. 

“Double Barrel” Darryl Broken with the King Fox vs the Assassin 

Assassin looks like Quack and wrestles like a duck.  I wonder if there have been more or less than 100 wrestlers named Assassin in history.  King Fox could be something when he stops copying other managers and discovers his own shtick.  Double Barrel Darryl with a sloppy chokeslam for the pin.  

Didn’t catch the name of the first guy and The Coach vs “The Duke” Don Teixeira and Pretty Paul  

This match was not on the program.  The program was just a printed-out piece of paper.  The Coach is a great character.  Paul has some potential.  Other two are just there.  I’d rather see Coach and Paul one on one.  Don doesn’t live up to the hot tag.  Coach makes a blind tag, the guy who’s name I don’t know is pissed.  They fight.  Guy with no name leaves.  Now it’s a double team and Don pins the Coach.  

Super Guapa and Murcielago Demonio vs the Bay Brothers 

Katie comes out with the Bay Brothers and I don’t think I’ve seen angry full blown heel Katie before.  I don’t deal well with angry women and found myself wanting to apologize to her for things I didn’t do. 

Opinions vary on Lucha Libre and for good reason.  This match was fantastic.  The luchadores ended up winning 2 falls to 1 but the B-Boys held their own against the self-proclaimed best tag team in the world.  I was really worried about a work project most of the night watching all of the segments, but this match made me forget all of that and get lost in a great match.  

“Rainbow” Aru, “Sweet Cheeks” Karma Swagger & “Street Fighter” McCoy Outlaw vs Prince Charming, “Outlaw” Slater Murdoch & “The Real Deal” Evan McNeil   

I had to buy a new notebook just to write all of these nicknames.  He’s less Prince Charming and more Dr. Poha from Ghostbusters 2.  Karma looks like a combination of Asuka and Budnick from Salute Your Shorts.  Your backup dancers shouldn’t show more charisma than you do.  Karma with the Candy Crush – a double underhook back breaker – and a great name.  Too many big move attempts and near falls.  Phoenix splash and Street Fighter almost gets the win.  Some of Prince Charming’s valets come back, distract the ref, and he uses some foreign object and a spear for the win. 

Alpha Uno & Joe Kinsey vs Two jobbers 

I didn’t catch the names of the other team because the match was already over before I realized that it was happening.  They may not have been announced.  It was seriously less than thirty seconds bell to bell.  And the two jobbers seriously looked like people from the crowd.  The main event was supposed to be Alpha and Joe against Legada Eterno so I’m a little confused at this point.   

Legada Eterno vs. A woman with numbers for a name & I think they said Amazing Grace 

Good to know that sacrilege is still okay in wrestling.  This wasn’t a match.  When Papa Shango cursed The Ultimate Warrior, the latter fell sick and vomited, making it a shocking moment in WWE history.  I guess that’s what they were trying to do here.  The way it was presented, it looked ludicrous, and the fans denounced the entire thing.  I think the number woman used to be Abby the Witch in WBBLW.   

I’m fine being the old man yelling at clouds here, but what the hell is this nonsense?  We’re so far away from what pro wrestling is supposed to be that I can hardly recognize it anymore.  That’s not a good thing.  It’s just dumb.  There was magic and sexy straddling.  Then it was over and everyone was pissed off.   

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