Quaker Oat Magic

Laura and I went to meet her friend at an old farmhouse outside of town.  In addition to not being a phone guy, he’s apparently not a city guy either.  Laura said that the fire department wants to burn the place down so they can practice putting out fires, but it keeps getting rescheduled.  I don’t know from farms but it looks like the place is going to fall down before they can burn it up.

We saw them coming from a long ways out in a clapped-out banger of a ‘75 Mercury Montego 2-Door Hardtop that was even more of a heap than some of the cars I’ve rolled in.  I’m shocked that it made the trip from Virginia.  

The driver looked like he was around 12 and had come to life out of some old movie about a farm boy coming to the big city.  Although that effect was ruined when he got out and I saw his Wu-Tang shirt and knock-off Nike Dunks.  

The passenger was one of those big old dudes that they don’t seem to make anymore.  His head was like one of those Easter Island statues.  He looked like every guy you see named Gomer when they interview someone in a WW2 documentary.  When Wu-Tang kid helped him out of the car, I saw that he had a little bag like an old timey doctor and a hat like the Quaker Oats guy.  

Still halfway in the car like he might turn around and leave, he looked me over and said “You know old Glenmore Petticord then?”  I said “Yes sir, I met Mr. Petticord the one time” and he harrumphed “Mister nothing.  The man is a killer, no mister about it.  Are you a killer then, missy?  I don’t help killers.”  I told him I wasn’t.  I wonder if that’s true.

He harrumphed a few more times and said killer or not, Glenmore knew his wards.  I asked if there was someplace more comfortable we could go to talk but he waved that off, so we stood there in the cold wind and I told him about Eterno.  He asked a lot of questions but the one that caught me off guard was – 

“What business is it of yours?”

I told him Eterno was killing people.  He shrugged and said that happens every day, was I going to stop all the killers in the world?  I said that he killed my first master and he gave me a look – 

“Oh, revenge is it then?  Tell me I didn’t come all this way for anything as stupid as revenge, girl.”

I told him that it had started out as that, but as I learned more about what happened to Eterno, I just wanted to help him.  Set him free from the dark influence that had taken him over.  He said again –

“And what business is that of yours?”

I said that someone had to do something, might as well be me.  I don’t know if that did the trick or if he always intended to tell me and was just busting my tits, but he said that he could show me what to do but that I would need a lot more power than I had.  

Laura said “She’ll have it.”

And he raised an eyebrow and said “Oh, you think so?” like this was a movie.  Why does everyone have to be so cinematic about things?  I blame the media.

Published by sopantooth

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