It’s not fair that when I survive a murder attempt I end up with a bill

I need to learn a spell that persuades people or gives me an aura of authority.  I am terrible at talking my way out of things.  After the troopers some county sheriff people showed up.  And then some city cops too.  Why are there so many different kinds of cops?  I suppose because there’s so many different kinds of laws. 

I told them that a car cut me off which caused a chain reaction accident with a couple other cars and I got a bump on the head that had stopped bleeding.  Based on the no signs of collision they couldn’t figure out how the Lancer ended up on its side or how my car ended up with the windows all broken.   

When they asked me about all the bullet holes I told them that my now EX boyfriend borrowed it to go hunting and he and his idiots friends got drunk and shot it up.  I think I sold that one by trashing this fake boyfriend at length.  A woman being mad at a man is easy for people to believe. 

I don’t know if they were suspicious of me or if it’s normal procedure but they asked to search my car.

Maybe they thought I was a drug mule that got hijacked.  I told them to go ahead.  They were tickled by Royale’s trunk of magic bric-a-brac.  I told them I was a magician.  Of course then they asked me to show them a trick.  I levitated off the ground and everyone clapped.   

I wonder if that’s the first time someone did real magic pretending it was fake magic.  One of the law enforcement people remarked that it looked like I lived in my car.  I told him that magic doesn’t pay much.  Which is a lie because it doesn’t pay anything.   

They were perplexed about the Lancer but I didn’t say anything more about the supposed accident.  I don’t know much about lying but for me the key is not saying much.  Say my lie and leave it at that.  The more I talk the more I can get myself into trouble.  I don’t offer my speculation.  I don’t offer alternate theories.  If something doesn’t make sense I just say “yeah, that’s weird”.   

I was trapped there for hours.  I tried to tell them that I could drive my car into town without a windshield and they tried to tell me that you’re not supposed to do that.  That debate was ended when it wouldn’t start anyway.  So I had to shell out $185 bucks to have it towed. 

Published by sopantooth

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