Lethal Weapon 8 : Die Hard VS Fast and Furious – Rise of the Transformers

I’ve noticed that when they make an action movie with a female main character, it’s always very serious.  Her husband gets killed by drug runners or her car breaks down and she gets gang raped by hillbillies or her kids get blown up by terrorists.  She’s out for bloody revenge.  If an action movie has a female lead, something horrible is going to happen to her, probably a bunch of stuff, and she’s going to be grim and gritty and hack people with a machete and use her sexuality as a weapon sexy style with sex.

There’s never a stupid popcorn action movie with a female lead.  You’re not going to see a movie like Crank 3 – Exponentially More Fucked Up with a woman lead character.  I don’t know what that means.  It seems like it means something.

I bring this up because I’ve changed my mind.  Cori and Eugenia aren’t like the characters from Freaky 2 – The Freakening.  They’re more like buddy cops from an action movie.  Only women.  I’ve never seen anything like it. 

When I told them that I was also interested in confronting Eterno but was too chickenshit to go to Mexico and do it, Cori asked me if he had killed a friend of mine also.  Before I could answer, they launched into their story.   In stops and starts and breaks for fifteen minute, arguments about how whichever one of them was talking was telling the story wrong, they told us why they had it in for Eterno.

As they tell it, 20 years ago they worked for a wrestling company in Sueno Bueno, Florida.  They claim that the owner of this company was involved in laundering money for the Medellin Cartel.  When the owner was rumored to be skimming from them, Eterno was brought in to clean house.  They claim Eterno killed three wrestlers, including their friend Kane (not that one, a different one) who was thrown off the roof of the arena they worked in. 

Very little about their story makes any god damn sense.  First of all, there is no city called Sueno Bueno as far as I can tell.  And the company they describe is nonsensical – how could a tiny Florida promotion no one has ever heard of run monthly PPVs?  The Medellin Cartel was defunct by the early 90s so the timeline doesn’t match up.  Not to mention that a wrestling promotion would be a shitty way to launder money.  Especially for the hundreds of millions that were being made off the drug trade in Miami. 

It sounded 100% like the kind of bullshit old veterans like to spin.  I wouldn’t have believed it even a little, but 42561 asked them about the staff they mentioned, and Eugenia said “It all started with these civil wars guy called Jedidiah Crane and Raymond Pine”. 

Published by sopantooth

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