Is it a tight 5 or a straight 6?

Aside from me, wrestlers travel together.  It’s a thing.  It’s a thing so hard WWE made a show about it.  Especially when you’re first starting out, you and 8 buddies all pile in a van and sleep in one hotel room like kids on spring break.  I never got into that.  Sexual assault only being about 10% of the reason.

I don’t know if traveling with another wrestler is anything like being on the road with Christie Lane, but if it is, all those wrestlers are idiots.  I don’t care if it’s cheaper.  Having another person around all the time is the worst.  That little mother fucker is a cheap bastard.  Whenever he’s whining about me tagging along with him, I remind him that he’s the one who’s a fucking murderer.  That’s a good trump card.

And check this shit out, this unfunny unattractive unrich murdering piece of garbage has a girlfriend!  I hear him talking on the phone to her constantly.  I feel betrayed by my gender sometimes.  They have zero taste when it comes to men it seems.

Before this experience, I had no real opinion of stand-up comedy.  Now I hate it.  It’s like being forced to watch a bunch of the shittiest wrestling matches around in a row.  These are all hacks and dreamers at these places.  Sometimes the headliner is funny, but that’s about it. 

Christie asked since I was “following him around” if I wanted to get up and do five minutes.  I almost said yes, not because I would have anything funny to say, but just because I couldn’t be as bad as some of these jabbering mental patients. 

I used to think that the one advantage stand-up has (other than the money and everything else) over wrestling is that if someone heckles a stand-up, they can make fun of them and emasculate them in front of the person they want sex from, but it turns out only good comedians can destroy hecklers.  Most of these lumps aren’t even witty enough to verbally take down a drunk moron in a comedy club.

That’s probably the only part of being a stand-up I could handle.  I’ve gotten pretty good at hurting people’s feelings. 

I hope we find some magic bug monster people soon because I don’t know how much more of this I can stand.

That’s where we’re at.  I’m begging for bug monsters to turn up.

Published by sopantooth

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