Half of my heart isn’t in Havana (na na na)

I worked a show in Pensacola and swung over to see Kim in Tallahassee.  He went on an epic rant after I told him that happened with PPW.  I guess it’s nice to know he cares.  I declined his offer of getting drunk.  I did take him up on his offer to stay in his extra apartment.

When I opened the door two guys were sitting in there already.  It didn’t occur to me that they were there for me.  I assumed they were wrestlers and Kim had forgotten he was letting them stay there when he said I could stay there.  I apologized for barging in.

One of them said something like “You’re a hard woman to find Grace”.  They were probably trying to sound cool and menacing but it was just confusing.  If it was a movie that scene would have been re-shot because it was awkward and disjointed.

They weren’t wrestlers.  They were from the club in Havana.  Havana Florida, not Cuba.  I happened to be standing right by the kitchen knives so I grabbed one and said “Alright, we’ll do this.”  That’s a pretty good line, that would be in the movie.

They didn’t want to fight.  They wanted me to join their circle jerk of black magic assholes.  They had a pretty good sales pitch, I think they magiced themselves up to be more convincing.  They knew how to talk to people.

They had cooked up a story about how I was a magic chosen one.  That my entire life up to that point had been preparing me to join with them.  They said that all my hardships were preparing me for what I had to do.  What they would help me do.


If someone ever talks about how special you are they’re working you.  Anyone feeding you a line about how you’re the most interesting and important person in the world is a lying piece of shit. 

Boy were they were barking up the wrong tree.  I told them I wasn’t interested in spending my days kidnapping and torturing junkies.  That’s when they switched from trying to persuasion to threatening.  They said they did a lot worse than that. 

One of them said something like “Everything happens for a reason Grace, there is a plan, it’s just not God’s plan.”

I laughed.  Who says shit like that? 

They made some more threats and then left.  I told them next time they break in to bring some fried chicken from Guthrie’s.

Published by sopantooth

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