Master of puppets is a terrible song and you all know it

People have been calling me out in the comments for using magic to make $1500 when I said in the beginning that I wouldn’t use magic for personal gain.  First of all, I never said that.  I said that I wouldn’t use magic to counterfeit money.  Second of all, fuck you.  I’m trying to live a life here.  Third of all, that’s a good point.  I’m being hypocritical if I say that RNBPL shouldn’t sell not-zombies and then I turn around and do something like this.  I’ll have to think on that.

The whole thing could have easily been a disaster.  I was just getting the hang of making my fetch walk and now I was jumping up 50 levels.  If you’re going to swing, swing for the fences.  With RNBPL helping me and the energy from the hotel, I was able to pull it off.  Sort of. 

I had never tried to see through the eyes of my fetch before.  Or hear through its ears.  Neither of which are real.  The fetch is like a mannequin, nothing functions on it, they just look like eyes and ears.  It didn’t work great.  But it worked.  It was like looking through several panes of glass on a sunny day.  I could kind of tell what was going on.  The audio was worse. 

I didn’t catch the name of the woman “I” was fighting.  Something like Bogomazova maybe.  She was a little taller than me and she was solid, but she looked more like a model than a fighter to me.  Maybe I just think that because she was wearing a beret and earrings though.  Who wears earrings to a fight?

If there was any kind of indication for the fight to start, I didn’t hear it.  Instantly Bogomazova had the fetch on the ground in a straight armbar.  Had she been fighting a human woman with bones and tendons and the ability to feel pain, the fight would have been over.  I feel a little bad for her.  But not much because she was participating in an illegal streetfight.

Did you know that a lot of these things, maybe all of them, are organized by porn companies?  I had no idea.  I found out that Reality Kings used to do this all the time in the early 2000s.  A lot of those shitty MMA guys from that time who everyone thought were tough and instead sucked came from that scene.

It was probably a really fucking weird fight to watch.  Like seeing Frankenstein in the UFC.  I had my fetch roll into a position to punch.  I couldn’t make it form a fist very well though, so it was more like some kind of half-assed claw-hand strike.  A human would have broken their fingers instantly doing that.  It wasn’t very effective.

Bogomazova spider-crawled around into a rear naked choke.  Which again, would have been a real winner against a human opponent with an airway and a need for oxygen.  I had the fetch lurch to its feet and fall backwards on her.  Which you see in wrestling all the time but never in a real fight.  Because in a real fight, if you’re on the ground with someone strangling you, you can’t just stand up with them on your back like a backpack.  Because you’re being strangled.  And there’s a person on your back.

I won’t bore you with the blow by blow of the entire fight.  It was a foregone conclusion for poor Bogomazova.  As I said, I’m sure the fight looked weird as shit.  Eventually I was able to have the fetch get its hands on her throat.  Not even in any cool BJJ hold, just old-fashioned Lifetime movie guy choking his wife style. 

I don’t know exactly what happened after “I” won.  I was pretty close to passing out from the strain of maintaining the spell at that point.  And as I said, I couldn’t see or hear very well.  I think Bogomazova and her crew were accusing “me” of being on PCP or some other drug.  I think the guy in charge of the thing was mad because it was a shitty fight.  Everyone was mad because “I” wouldn’t say anything. 

I managed to have the fetch walk around a corner before I dropped the spell and it disappeared.  When I came “back” I was lying on the floor of the hotel panting like I was giving birth and drenched with sweat.  I’ve never felt so exhausted.  Like I had run a marathon, and then a marathon-running bear chased me another 26 miles, and then the bear pulled out a machine gun and forced me to do 15,000 squats at gunpoint. 

For a moment I thought I might die.  It was ten minutes before I could feel my limbs enough to crawl to the bed.  Someone with any compassion would have helped me, but RNBPL just stood there staring at me.  It wasn’t a look of respect anymore.  She looked terrified. 

“What are you?” she asked.  I was too shattered to even respond.  Eventually she brought me some water and helped me drink it.  She said to forget about the 5 grand.  She wanted to work with me.  She said “I want to learn how to do that.”

Published by sopantooth

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.

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