In the old days sometimes people used to get so worked up about what was going on in the ring, they would try to stab the bad guys. Sometimes they would succeed in stabbing them. One of my goals in wrestling is for someone to hate me so much they try and stab me. I just want to see if it’s still possible.
A woman did try to stab me last night, but not for the right reasons. She was wearing blocky shoes and ugly grey tights and she walked up to me backstage and said –
“I am against all your magic charms, which you use to ensnare my people like birds. I will tear them from your arms, setting my people free like birds set free from a cage.”
While she was saying weird shit, I noticed she had a knife in her hand. Not a kitchen knife. A fucking combat knife like douchebags buy off the internet. I grabbed her stabbing hand and headbutted her a few times and that was that. I guess technically she planned to stab me rather than tried since I stopped her before she got in a stab.
She told the police that I was a witch and killing me was god’s will. I guess I do have some readers. Some advice: if you want to stab someone, don’t quote a bible verse first. If she had just walked up and stabbed me, I never would have noticed.
While I was at Kim’s telling him about this, I heard Evan and Frankie in the other room talking about someone from their church. The details were not clear to me at all. Because I was eavesdropping. Either they thought someone was in prison but they were really in rehab, or they thought someone was in rehab but they were in prison. Or they got out of prison and were supposed to be in rehab. The only thing for sure was that someone was missing.
After I was done regaling Kim with my tale, I told them that I could probably find whoever they were looking for. When they asked me how, I told them I just have a knack for finding people.
It probably seems strange to you that I write about magic on here but am being cagey about it IRL. All can say is that it’s different. Kim and Evan have helped me a lot. For no reason other than kindness. Maybe they’re friends even. I don’t want them to think I’m crazy.