Antiques Roadshow – Magic serial killer edition

The professor asked me to meet him at his office on campus rather than his house.  I guess because he’s married.  He can’t exactly pass me off as one of his students.  Although I suppose she probably wouldn’t like it if he was bringing female students home either.

Walking across campus, I wondered what percentage of the current Cornell student body I could beat in a fight.  Does Cornell have a football team?  That seems like the only segment I’d have to worry about.  Maybe that should be my new gimmick.  I issue a challenge to an entire college to see if they can best me.  The joke would be I always fight the mascot.  That idea is a winner, people. 

Once I got to his office and showed him the stuff from the Bessie Love collection, he said that his spell would tell him the provenance of the items.  I’m not 100% sure what provenance means but I get the gist of it.  When he cast the spell, he freaked out like someone dumped a bucket of roaches down his pants.  I grabbed him and put my hand over his mouth to keep him from screaming because I was worried someone would hear and come running in. 

It didn’t work very well.  Is anything in movies real?

Once he was calmed down, still looking like he was going to have a stroke, he admonished me for not warning him about the history of the things.  I thought I did tell him that it might have belonged to a serial killer but maybe I didn’t.  But I think I did. 

Once he was “prepared” he did his spell again and confirmed what I had read in Royale’s journal.  This stuff belonged to the blood magician that she and Royale “took down”.  I guess they probably killed him, huh?  Or maybe just by taking away his magic stuff, that stopped him?  Maybe they were able to cancel out his magic and just let the authorities deal with him.  I’ll never know now since his notes and everything are burned up. 

The professor was also able to tell me that the coat is magicked up to be a bulletproof vest. Only better.  Also fireproof and acidproof, he said.  Because of all the acid flying around, you know.  So if I want to wear a men’s coat that’s 100 years out of style, I can have armor. 

The wallet he said was the equivalent of magic Viagra.  Put it in your pocket and you’ve got erections for days.  I’m pretty sure he was lying so he could keep it.  I bet it gives you some kind of good luck in getting money.  Or maybe it actually makes money.   I’ll find out if he gets arrested for passing counterfeit bills.

Published by sopantooth

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