Hair up, square up

I didn’t expect the Mississippi Coast Coliseum to be a real coliseum.  I expected a third tier bare-knuckle boxing event to be in a steelworker’s union hall.  Or in a parking garage after dark.  Or in a drained pool in some guy’s backyard.  This was an actual building built for people to go watch things in.   

I checked the attendance because there were a lot of people there.  6,732. Almost seven thousand people decided that MMA wasn’t violent enough for them.  Only bare knuckles on human flesh would do for this segment of society.   

Apparently I made quite a splash.  I do have an eye-catching appearance.  You see a woman with scars all over her body walk into a bloodsport, that’s going to turn some heads.  I lost a five-round unanimous decision.  It was named match of the night.  Not because it was good, because it was bloody and savage. 

I’m pretty sure I broke her jaw.  She still beat the shit out of me.  I have no actual training in boxing or anything else.  I would like to train in some grappling art but I don’t have the time or money.  So how did I go the distance?  I cheated my ass off. 

I used the professor’s protection spell.  It didn’t work great, but it took the edge off.  Enough so that instead of me getting knocked out in 9 seconds, we were throwing punches like it was a Rocky movie. 

That’s why everyone was into it.  When women’s boxing first came around, it had a moment in the spotlight because the women doing it were all new.  None of them knew how to box.  So all their bouts were violent brawls.  Later once women actually figured out how to box, its popularity took a nosedive because no one cared anymore.  They want blood.  Not scientific pugilism. 

I got paid 2 grand for this.  Which is good, because I stayed in a motel for a week before and ate sort of decent food, so I was broke.  Normally I’m more careful with my money.  I swear I am.  After the match, an agent came and said he wanted to represent me.  He looked like that dude who’s always in Will Ferrell movies if that guy was a badass instead of a doofus.  He used to be a boxer himself.   

He said that with some training and management, I had a chance to make it in combat sports.  I was tempted.  2 grand for one night.  But it doesn’t seem right to use magic for real fighting sports.  He told me I was being a damned fool when I turned him down. 

He’s probably right.

Published by sopantooth

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