My street fight got me thinking about gimmick matches. I daydream sometimes about what I would do if I make it on TV. Mostly I would annoy people by trying to bring back old wrestling gimmicks that no one wants anymore.
I feel like whenever you watch a show from the 70’s there’s always a dude with a bullwhip for no reason. The only whip I’ve ever seen was a lady who was doing a dominatrix/cat thing. That’s Catwoman I guess. I want to bring back bullwhips.
Do people really whip bulls or is that just a name? If you whip a bull, won’t it gore you?
Sometimes there’d be a dude with a chain around his neck. Or a rope with a cowbell. But my favorite is the bone. Dudes would just come to the ring with a big femur like that was normal. “Oh, this is just the bone I carry around, don’t worry about it.” Maybe it’s a therapy bone.
I would also challenge people to weird old matches. I mentioned before how my goal is to be in a flag match and get booed as the USA representative. Another one I like is a coal miner’s glove on a pole match. To really get all the coal miners interested in the match. Evening gown matches, I’d love to do that. I saw a match once with a sock full of coins. I’d love to upset people with all that old crap.
There’s one thing I know for sure about gimmick matches – if it takes more than a sentence, maybe two sentences at most to explain the concept, it sucks. Hell in a Cell? Fine. Elimination Chamber? Garbage. Ladder match? Great. Wargames? Awful. Coffin match? Love it. Anything with someone being put in a shark cage or handcuffed to something? Don’t waste my time.
If there is a second thing I know about gimmick matches it’s that you should make sure the gimmick works. I watched a compilation of old matches from NWA and WCW where whatever stupid thing they were trying to do failed. There would be a box or something that would fall apart. Or there would be a switch that kept falling down. Dumb stuff like that.
TNA really hits both sides. There’s not a lot left to come up with in the world of gimmick matches. But they hit a home run with the Ultimate X match. On the other hand, they also came up with the King of the Mountain match which is unwatchable. What the fuck is even happening in that match?