Not going to lie, this one got away from me

WWE decided to bring back squash matches a while back.  They’re supposed to make the squasher look strong but I can’t imagine anyone buys into that these days.  One guy they brought in to squash was James Elsworth.  James Elsworth is an ugly little dude but that doesn’t make him a bad person.  At that time they were giving each squashee a 5 second promo before they got squashed.  He did a nice job with that and then looked good getting squashed too.  The internet wrestling people loved him.  He ended up working for WWE for 3 years based on that.   I have no idea how much money he made but it had to be seven thousand times more than he was making before.

There are probably a lot of wrestlers who are pissed because that mutant got his fifteen minutes/three years of fame and they didn’t, but that’s like getting mad at someone for winning the lottery.  What do you want them to do, not take the money?  On the other hand I listened to him on the Jericho podcast and he sounds like a brain donor.  Never the less he’s declared himself the Inter-Gender Champion of the world and I would love to work with him.  That’s the gimmick I was just saying I want to do.  If you’re out there Jimmy, give me a jingle – I work real light and I have a unique look that people will be interested in.

I wonder what I could do to get the internet on my side.  Does anyone know where Matt Lauer is?  I bet if I “bumped into him” on the street and put him in a chokehold and told everyone that I had to defend myself because he was getting aggressive with me, that would get people on my side bigtime.  He seems like a hefty guy but I feel like he’s a puss, I don’t think he could hurt me.  And even if he did I’ve been hurt plenty for nothing so why not?

One of the foster families I was with for a couple months lived on a farm.  Before I went there I didn’t know they still had farms.   I assumed all our food came from factories in China.  I didn’t like any of my foster homes but that one I disliked the least.  Doing chores before and after school was something that I enjoyed.  If they hadn’t made me go to school I might not have run away from that place.  Or maybe I would have, one of their real kids was giving me some rapey looks. 

I bring this up because I know what wet hay smells like.  It’s not a good smell but it’s not unbearable.  But it is unique.  That’s what my opponent last night smelled like.  I hope she lives on a farm otherwise she’s probably really sick.  Since I’m technically homeless and most of the places I work don’t have showers I can’t claim the super high ground when it comes to hygiene but I am as fanatical as I can be about it.  I never turn down a chance to clean up and you can accomplish a lot with a bathroom sink.  If you’re reading this you know who you are, you need to take care of your smell.

It could be worse though, I was once on a show where two dudes were fighting because one of them gave the other ringworm.  I wonder if John Cena ever had to deal with this shit.  #thuganomics

Published by sopantooth

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