Celebrity fight club (because 100 dollar baby has already been used)

I watched part of Million Dollar Baby last night while I was trying to fall asleep and it occurred to me that I could probably beat up Hilary Swank.  I don’t mean now, that wouldn’t be very hard, she’s 46 and not training to be in a movie about fighting, I mean when that movie came out.  I guess I should have identified with Maggie in that movie since she was poor and had a shit home life and was trying to make it in a business where no one makes it.  But I didn’t.  Because it was Hilary Swank.  She’s not really any of those things.

I wonder if I showed up at a Hollywood event where Hilary Swank was and tackled her if I could get away with it by saying it was a wrestling angle.  She’d deny it of course but I would tell the cops that her denial was part of it, that she was just protecting the business.  Since wrestling is all out in the open and everyone knows that it’s fake I often wonder how long you could get away with stuff by using that as an excuse.  Don’t worry officer, it’s all part of a storyline we’re doing, she’s not really hurt – that’s fake blood.

Michelle Rodriguez was in a boxing movie too, I bet I could beat her up too.  I wonder what female celebrity I couldn’t fight to the finish.  Has Ronda Rousey done enough movie work to be considered a celebrity?  I wouldn’t want to mess with her.  Although she hasn’t fought for real in a while.  Gina Carano hasn’t fought in more than 10 years, I bet I could take her.  One time a teenager came up to me after a show to go all girl power on me about how great it was that I was a woman wrestler.  She gushed on about how awesome and tough her hero Gal Gadot is.  I doubt she’s anything to worry about IRL.  I’m confident I could kick the shit out of Gal Gadot easy.  I don’t care if she was in the army.

I googled toughest female celebrities and another name that came up was Milla Jovovich.  Doubt it.  Charlize Theron?  No.  Zoe Saldana?  She’s tiny, I could crush her.  There’s a bunch more, the internet seems to base toughness on doing your own stunts.   I’m not sure how falling on a crash-pad is supposed to make you tough.  This may seem hypocritical since I’m a pretend fighter for a job.  But that’s just my job.  Ya dig?  One of the people on the list was Stacy Keibler, which is laughable.  Her main accomplishment in the business was dancing on tables.  Which I am not denigrating, I’m just saying she was a softcore stripper not a fighter. 

After that I started wondering if Jon Cena is attractive.  He’s built, obviously, but his head is kind of weird yeah? 

Published by sopantooth

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