September 2020 – Page 2

I don’t even have a shovel

I had a brilliant idea today. I was driving through Kearney and I saw a sign giving directions to the University and I thought – don’t churches in college towns have free food as a way to bring in the starving college kids to get some religion? Fucking jackpot, Kearney Church of Christ was havingContinue reading “I don’t even have a shovel”

There’s also a Newark in Delaware

I mentioned before that magic isn’t the kind of thing you want to try and learn by trial and error – that’s a good way to fuck things up real bad. I know this because even with my relatively short apprenticeship, I was told it many times. Despite these warnings, like most people I stillContinue reading “There’s also a Newark in Delaware”

Twice upon a time in Mexico

After my match with Rudo Anaranjado I went back into a little dressing room area under the arena where the rodeo people put on their chaps or whatever they do to get ready to ride bulls. I took a seat on a folding chair, I needed to take a minute. I was a little shakenContinue reading “Twice upon a time in Mexico”

Still better than Wolverine: Origins

So here’s how it happened. I had an impressive 4 matches to my name when a promoter in Laredo came calling asking me if I wanted to do a show in Mexico. He said that he really saw something in me, which has to have been bullshit because those first 4 matches were shit. MaybeContinue reading “Still better than Wolverine: Origins”

Maybe she’s born with it maybe it’s Maybelline

I had what was probably my best match so far last night. I was wrestling a guy called Little Junior Toro, which is just a terrible name. I was expecting him to be some kind of rip-off of El Torito from the WWE. I was wondering if he was going to be a little person. Continue reading “Maybe she’s born with it maybe it’s Maybelline”

Better off dead

I saw on Facebook today that the girl I had my first match with died. There was no information given about how she died and I was curious so I looked around a little. I found out just enough confusing information to make me even more curious as to how she died. A few daysContinue reading “Better off dead”

Slow and steady wins the race (but is boring and I hate it)

Here’s some inside information for you – doing magic is actually really boring and fucking frustrating as hell. Casting a spell generally requires you to chant the same sequences of words for several minutes, sometimes as much as half an hour. That may not seem like a long time but try it sometime. Choose aContinue reading “Slow and steady wins the race (but is boring and I hate it)”

Shove another ‘cast in your podhole

There’s exactly one zillion wrestling podcasts in the world. I have a hard time believing that anyone listens to most of them but then again what else do wrestling fans have to do? Not have sex am I right? I did a double shot in Austin last weekend and some dude was sitting on aContinue reading “Shove another ‘cast in your podhole”

If you’re a werewolf experiencing male pattern baldness call today

I worked a show in Tyler last night and after my match I went to the promoter to get paid and he tried to tell me that he had already paid me. I always try to get money up front but promoters rarely go for that because wrestlers are flaky even when they don’t intendContinue reading “If you’re a werewolf experiencing male pattern baldness call today”