I don’t even have a shovel

I had a brilliant idea today.  I was driving through Kearney and I saw a sign giving directions to the University and I thought – don’t churches in college towns have free food as a way to bring in the starving college kids to get some religion?  Fucking jackpot, Kearney Church of Christ was havingContinue reading “I don’t even have a shovel”

There’s also a Newark in Delaware

I mentioned before that magic isn’t the kind of thing you want to try and learn by trial and error – that’s a good way to fuck things up real bad.  I know this because even with my relatively short apprenticeship, I was told it many times.  Despite these warnings, like most people I stillContinue reading “There’s also a Newark in Delaware”

Eat of my body and drink of my blood

I drove to Ogallala for a show and when I got to the venue today no one was there and the place was locked up.  At first this didn’t bother me because I often get to shows way too early and there’s no one around yet.  But after napping in the car for a fewContinue reading “Eat of my body and drink of my blood”

Twice upon a time in Mexico

After my match with Rudo Anaranjado I went back into a little dressing room area under the arena where the rodeo people put on their chaps or whatever they do to get ready to ride bulls.  I took a seat on a folding chair, I needed to take a minute.  I was a little shakenContinue reading “Twice upon a time in Mexico”

Still better than Wolverine: Origins

So here’s how it happened.  I had an impressive 4 matches to my name when a promoter in Laredo came calling asking me if I wanted to do a show in Mexico.  He said that he really saw something in me, which has to have been bullshit because those first 4 matches were shit.  MaybeContinue reading “Still better than Wolverine: Origins”

Maybe she’s born with it maybe it’s Maybelline

I had what was probably my best match so far last night.  I was wrestling a guy called Little Junior Toro, which is just a terrible name.  I was expecting him to be some kind of rip-off of El Torito from the WWE.  I was wondering if he was going to be a little person. Continue reading “Maybe she’s born with it maybe it’s Maybelline”

Slow and steady wins the race (but is boring and I hate it)

Here’s some inside information for you – doing magic is actually really boring and fucking frustrating as hell.  Casting a spell generally requires you to chant the same sequences of words for several minutes, sometimes as much as half an hour.  That may not seem like a long time but try it sometime.  Choose aContinue reading “Slow and steady wins the race (but is boring and I hate it)”

Shove another ‘cast in your podhole

There’s exactly one zillion wrestling podcasts in the world.  I have a hard time believing that anyone listens to most of them but then again what else do wrestling fans have to do?  Not have sex am I right?  I did a double shot in Austin last weekend and some dude was sitting on aContinue reading “Shove another ‘cast in your podhole”

If you’re a werewolf experiencing male pattern baldness call today

I worked a show in Tyler last night and after my match I went to the promoter to get paid and he tried to tell me that he had already paid me.  I always try to get money up front but promoters rarely go for that because wrestlers are flaky even when they don’t intendContinue reading “If you’re a werewolf experiencing male pattern baldness call today”